A Guide to Shopping in Hard Off

Although many of you may have been to Hard Off, I am pretty sure that a lot of you have questions about the various things in there.  So I’ve taken it upon myself to write a useful guide that’ll help enhance your shopping experience.

 

I know what you want to know is what all the kanji written on the junk items is, but I’ll leave that for later.  First I will take you through what you need to do to enjoy the experience as a whole.

First of all, you need to know the correct way to enter Hard Off, this will prepare you for the following 20-30 minute shop.  For this I will use the Aizuwakamatsu branch as an example.  You may need to alter the following instructions for your local Hard Off, but the principal should be the same.

  • You shouldn’t go to Hard Off alone.  Groups of 2-4 are recommended, then you can get friends opinions on potential purchases.
  • On entering the building you must assume the Hard Off walk™.  This is roughly half your normal walking pace, with the option of flicking your toes at the end of your stride.
  • Your first direction should be towards the video games, but do not enter this section.  Walk along the side of it looking at the display cases containing consoles, cameras and Mp3 players.
  • When you arrive at the home electronics, take a left and head towards the guitars.  Be sure to point out how expensive the extremely large speakers are.
  • Once at the guitars look, begin to head to the junk section.  Strumming the guitars while walking through the guitar section is optional, but also recommended.

A Hard Off junk section.

 

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Now that you are in the junk section it is important to break away from your friends.  The optimal distance is still up for discussion, but you must keep at least one of your friends in visual range.  Once you’ve created this distance from your friend, you must then start looking at the products on offer.  When you find a product that is reasonably useless or that has an interesting name, you must then call one of your group who you deem to be at a reasonable distance from the product.  Repetition of their name is recommended until they decide to make the walk towards you.  You must wait until they are standing next to you then extend your arm and point at the product.  It is then important that you say “Buy this.”  The act must be performed on many occasions throughout the shop.

Once the above pattern has been exhausted in the junk area, you must then walk past the snowboards, through the sofa area and head towards the washing machines.  Take a brief look at what they have to offer, tell one of your friends to buy something then you may make your way to the clothing section.  When you are at the clothing section, recommend a few more purchases in this section before heading back towards the video game section.  Stand around and wait for any members of your group that are making actual purchases then you are free to leave the shop.  It is imperative that you maintain the Hard Off walk™ throughout.

Once you have mastered the Hard Off walk™, you will find it of use in many other situations.  One example being, during class time when checking on students.

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One Response to A Guide to Shopping in Hard Off

  1. Clay Elgar says:

    Lets not forget, that there are in fact, two ways to enter hard off. The first, as Moff rightly pointed out, was to walked past the video games without entering the section. While acceptable, this means you will also be walking next to clothes.
    Option two consists of a hard left on entering the store, past the video games and straight too the bb guns. Note the awesome shotgun and sniper rifle bb guns that have been there for several years. From here you can follow this path directly to snowboards, surfboards and other random sporty goods. enjoy